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  • Writer's pictureEva Nel Brettrager

A Slow Inhale

I take a deep breath. In your eyes I see the skies that lead to endless possibilities, filled with fragility and strength; a sunrise - and I am calm. I glance down at my palm and see your finger drawing pictures with a gentle touch. It’s too much. I clutch your hand in mine, willing myself to remember this time as a piece of my memory that will always bring me peace. I look back on it now, ten whole years, wow. I recall every detail, I inhale, I even remember your scent, but I failed. Really, we were good together. But the tether was pulled too tight for our connection, some thought it was more an obsession, but honestly you and me were known prominently. People idolized the love that we shared, but we were impaired. Coming from such toxicity, there inlaid the probability that we were overtaken with ludicracy and ultimately turned out to be a monstrosity. All these years later and I still look back on how it felt to fall sleep beside you, tuck myself into you, thinking there was nothing we couldn’t get through. I’ve always loved you, and I still do but I have to admit that leaving you is probably the best thing I’ve ever done. I see what I have become- I gave myself the chance to expand and accept all of me without a second glance. Without you I have no restrictions, my inhibitions are gone. Soon it will be dawn. I should probably go to sleep, I’ll hear your words on repeat in my dreams. You scrawled I love you in my hand, and I demanded you only commit to stay in my mind instead of by my side. No reason to rewind.

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